<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Losing Control by Eileniessa</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22404649">Losing Control</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eileniessa/pseuds/Eileniessa'>Eileniessa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Battle of Sodden Hill, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guilt, Harmful healing, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Post-Battle of Sodden Hill, Recovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:54:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22404649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eileniessa/pseuds/Eileniessa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remnants of chaos linger in Yennefer' veins as the ash settles on Sodden Hill. With parties from both sides of the continent trying to hunt down her former charge, Tissaia can trust no one if she wants to keep Yennefer safe; not even Yennefer herself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tissaia de Vries &amp; Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Hunt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The moon, shining through a haze of smoke, lit up a field of corpses. Tissaia waited. It was quiet and the night was still. She closed her eyes and sighed. It was over.</p><p>The air was heavy and vile. It tasted of ash and death. Her hair and clothes were singed, and the grass was warm against her legs. Slowly, Tissaia got to her feet. She felt weak and nauseous, shards of dimeritium coursing through her body and reacting to her aura. Standing in her patch of green, Tissaia looked around her. Everything was gone. The field was a sea of black, littered with dead, burnt faces.</p><p>A layer of ash danced around her feet like a burst of feathered seeds as she stepped onto the scorched grass. It crumbled under her feet. She took another few steps forward and stopped. Before her, a great rock overlooked the bloody hillside. It looked like it could be in a painting, the sort of place a great leader would stand to preach to his flock. Tissaia watched it carefully.</p><p>"Yennefer," she croaked. Her voice rang in the silence. "Yennefer." Tissaia watched the rock and waited. Her lips trembled. "Yennefer!"</p><p>The hot ground burnt the soles of her feet as she hurried up the hill. She tripped over the hem of her skirt and fell onto her knees, cutting her hand on a piece of stone. Looking down at her dress, she tore off the tattered edge, wrapped it around her hand and picked herself up. Choking on the polluted air, Tissaia clambered to the top of the rock, her legs shaking.</p><p>"Yennefer…"</p><p>Tissaia fell to her knees at the edge of the rock and pulled Yennefer's body into her arms. She was covered in blood and dirt, her hair matted with filth. Tissaia touched her face and recoiled. Her skin was burning hot, and beneath all the grime, it glowed with tones of red and gold. Biting her tongue, Tissaia pressed her fingers against Yennefer's neck and slumped forwards. She had a pulse. But as Tissaia brushed the hair from Yennefer's face, she noticed that the woman wasn't breathing.</p><p>Yennefer's hand burnt her skin as she held it. Tissaia muttered an incantation and felt her stomach lurch as though she had fallen from a great height. Small jolts shot across her body as the dimeritium in her system reacted to her magic. Tissaia griped Yennefer's body. The painful heat radiating from her skin helped the Rectoress stay awake as she shared her energy and concentrated with all her might to stop the link from breaking.</p><p>With her eyes half-closed, Tissaia fell sideways. Lying on the rock holding Yennefer's hand, her other arm draped around the woman's stomach, Tissaia fought to stay awake. As their connection weakened and Tissaia's fingers loosened from around Yennefer's hand, she felt a spark against her burnt palm. Tissaia breathed in-sync with Yennefer as she closed her eyes.</p><hr/><p>It was still dark when Tissaia woke up. Something was digging painfully into her side and she moved around to make herself more comfortable. Tucking Yennefer's head under her chin, Tissaia listened to the sound of her student breathing and she closed her eyes. The others would have to manage without her, she thought. Besides, she was too tired to move and she couldn't leave Yennefer. They'd wait there until someone found them. Yennefer had said that the Northern Kingdoms were close.</p><p>Tissaia wasn't sure whether she fell asleep again, but almost as soon as she closed her eyes, she heard voices in the distance. Keeping very still, eyes shut, Tissaia listened. People were moving around them, ash and bones crunching under their heavy boots. Holding her breath, Tissaia listened to the footsteps. The noises were getting louder. She heard, somewhere to her right, a voice whimpering in pain and then a scream. A Nilfgaardian accent carried across to her in the ensuing silence. She felt the unnatural heat through Yennefer's dress as she pulled her body closer.</p><p>Tissaia opened her eyes and, moving as little as possible, tried to find somewhere they could hide. But there was nowhere to go. The rock was flat and unsheltered. If she tried to stand, the Nilfgaardians would see her, and Tissaia couldn't conjure a portal for them both or teleport one person more than a few feet away. She could try to fight her way back to the keep, but Tissaia was at her limit, and she wasn't strong enough to carry Yennefer. There was another scream. Tissaia rested her head against the rock and listened to the soldiers, hoping that they would miss them.</p><p>
  <em>Give her to me, Tissaia.</em>
</p><p>Tissaia closed her eyes as Fringilla's voice echoed inside her head. She felt the other mage tug slightly at their connection as she tried to press into her thoughts, probably to see where they were. Steadying her breath, Tissaia drew back from Fringilla distancing their connection, but the Nilfgaardian mage held on, preventing her from severing the link completely.</p><p><em>You know I won't stop looking until I find her</em>, Fringilla said. <em>Hand her over, and Nilfgaard will leave. No one else needs to die today.</em></p><p><em>No, I won't. Not to you,</em> Tissaia replied.</p><p>Below them, Tissaia could hear the Nilfgaardian soldiers laughing as they toyed with two of the survivors before finishing them off.</p><p>
  <em>Yennefer is already close to death. Give her up so that the rest of your wounded might live. You've already traded the lives of your other students. What's one more life? You can save them, Tissaia. Give her to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No! You can't have her. I won't let you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Have it your way, Rectoress. I'll find her in the end.</em>
</p><p>Tissaia felt Fringilla's presence disappear. She took her former student's threat very seriously. Yennefer had made a great enemy of Nilfgaard today, and they would hunt her down with everything they had. Fringilla would not let this slight pass. Tissaia had felt her fear and her anger. She knew Fringilla too well for her to hide it.</p><p>The soldiers were almost upon them. She could hear them combing the area around the rock. Tissaia needed to get Yennefer out of here now, but she was still weak from Fringilla's poison and from sharing her reserves. She felt portrayed by her body. Without her magic, she was useless to Yennefer.</p><p><em>Can anyone hear me?</em> Tissaia called out to the other mages. <em>I need help. Nilfgaard is coming. Is anyone there? We need help!</em></p><p>There was no response. Tissaia kept trying to connect, but she was alone. The only person she could sense was Yennefer. Her presence was weak, and there was something about it that felt wrong. Tissaia could tell the difference.</p><p>"Up here! There's two more!"</p><p>Tissaia sat up as the Nilfgaardian soldier that had spotted them started running forwards. Twisting her hand and bending her thumb and middle finger, Tissaia knocked the soldier sideways and off the rock when he was a few feet away. She heard his bones snap as he fell and broke his neck. One of the Nilfgaardians swore.</p><p>Tissaia hooked her arms under Yennefer's shoulders and pulled her upright as three more soldiers started moving towards them. She tucked in Yennefer's legs, held her with one arm and raised the other in front of her.</p><p>"amddiffyn ni rhag niwed!"</p><p>The air around them shimmered and hummed. Tissaia's arm shook as, with a spark, an arrow bounced off her shield and clattered against the rock. The soldiers paused. One of them drew back his bow and trained an arrow on Tissaia. The others moved to either side of the barrier and started striking their swords against the magic.</p><p>Tissaia shuddered as the force of their blows rippled down her arms and across her chest. Her nose was bleeding and dripping onto Yennefer's shoulders as her head rested against Tissaia's neck. The Rectoress' vision blurred and small coin-sized holes started to appear in her shield. The soldiers concentrated their blows on the weakened spots and the gaps started to grow.</p><p>Blood splattered at her feet as the soldier who had hung back dropped to his knees. When his body hit the ground, Tissaia saw an arrow buried in the back of his head. The two other men were felled shortly after, and Tissaia dropped her spell as she saw Sabrina running towards them.</p><p>"Take her," Tissaia said quietly as Sabrina knelt beside them.</p><p>"Tissaia…" she whispered, gripping the Rectoress' shoulders.</p><p>"Don't let them find her, please. No one can know, Sabrina. No one."</p><p>Sabrina nodded. She took Yennefer's body and stared at her, tears welling in her eyes. Tissaia smiled at them, and then she fainted.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Darkness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing she noticed was something scratching the side of her neck. Tissaia tried to brush it off, but it moved with her fingers. Her head ached as she opened her eyes and squinted into the brightness. She was lying on a bed inside a small, white tent that was being pierced by sunlight. There was a woollen blanket draped across her and she kicked it off. It was difficult; her limbs were weak, and they ached from the slightest movement. Tissaia sat up and massaged her temples.</p>
<p>"Tissaia?"</p>
<p>Sabrina looked over her shoulder at her. Her hair was dishevelled, and she was still wearing the same bloody and tattered dress. She was slumped in a chair on the opposite side of the tent and there was a woman Tissaia didn't recognize lying on her back in the bed next to her.</p>
<p>"What… happened?" Tissaia asked.</p>
<p>"You passed out after I found you. I took Yennefer and then sent some of the Temerian soldiers to find you and bring you to camp. You've been asleep for almost a day. The healers had to give you a sleeping draught so that they could work the dimeritium out of your system."</p>
<p>"Yennefer… where did you take her? Is she safe?"</p>
<p>Sabrina looked at her hands. "Nowhere, Tissaia. I couldn't. I tried, I swear, but I couldn't take her."</p>
<p>Tissaia got up from her bed and moved over to Sabrina, kneeling beside the chair. She took Sabrina's hands, which were clasped in her lap, and squeezed them. Sabrina looked at her and Tissaia saw that her eyes were red and her face puffy.</p>
<p>"Where is she, Sabrina?"</p>
<p>Sabrina inclined her head towards the woman lying on the bed. She had straight blonde hair and a freckled complexion, and she was dressed in a well-made but simple green dress. Tissaia looked at the woman closely, then sat on the edge of the bed. She felt Yennefer's presence beside her. Tissaia waved her hands over the body and dispelled Sabrina's illusion.</p>
<p>With the dirt removed from her body, the lights dancing across Yennefer's skin were brighter than before. Tissaia touched her face gently. Yennefer's presence felt stronger than before. She was recovering, but not as much as she would have expected. Tissaia still felt something strange about Yennefer and wondered whether it was because of the chaos pounding in her blood. She'd never seen anything like it before.</p>
<p>"After you told me to hide her, I took Yennefer through a portal and into the keep," said Sabrina, "but something happened. When we went through her skin started to burn and for a moment her heart stopped. I thought… I thought I'd killed her."</p>
<p>Sabrina closed her eyes and tilted her head back then took a deep breath.</p>
<p>"I hid her in the ruins of the tower while I sent someone to help you and then I tried to heal the wound in her stomach. I managed to close it, but her skin reacted to my magic again and I realised that I wouldn't be able to take her through another portal. I didn't know what else to do, so I covered Yennefer with an illusion and tried to help her heal without magic. The cream I've been using has made a difference, but not much. I'm sorry, Tissaia, I know I should have done more but-"</p>
<p>"You've done well, Sabrina," Tissaia interrupted. "You saved us, and you've kept Yennefer alive and hidden. I know that can't have been easy, she's always made for a horrible patient." Sabrina smiled faintly. "Now, off to bed with you. I can take over from here. Get some rest."</p>
<p>Sabrina nodded and slipped out of the tent. Tissaia tied the flap shut behind her and sat down in the empty chair. She noticed a small bowl of cream sitting on a barrel beside Yennefer's head. Noticing that it had the same scent as Yennefer's skin, Tissaia took the bowl and started applying the ointment to her body. Yennefer's skin was warm, dry and cracked, and when the light wasn't passing through it, it looked sore and red.</p>
<p>When Tissaia finished applying the cream, she leaned back in her chair and thought about what Sabrina had said. Her story suggested that Yennefer had somehow become sensitive to magic, reacting negatively to healing spells that were designed to work with the body. Tissaia tried to remember if she had ever heard of or dealt with a similar case, but she didn't think she had. She knew that Triss was allergic to magic potions, but she didn't react to spells. No one did. Yennefer's circumstances were unique. Tissaia had never known a mage to do what she had done and survive. Yennefer's chaos should have killed. It was still trying to.</p>
<p>Tissaia sighed and held her head in her hands. Nothing with Yennefer was ever straightforward. Even unconscious, she was still causing trouble. Besides keeping her out of sight and away from Nilfgaard, Tissaia also had this mystery to solve. She didn't know how long it would take for Yennefer to wake up, but as soon as she did, they needed to move and without using a portal it would be difficult. She needed to work out what was wrong before then and she had to do it without drawing attention to herself.</p>
<p>At least she had Sabrina. Tissaia knew she could count on her student to pick up her role and organize the other mages so that she could stay with Yennefer. But Tissaia would have to make an appearance sooner or later. She had too many other people depending on her to pretend that she was dead. Tissaia couldn't look after Yennefer forever.</p>
<p>Tissaia spent the rest of the day examining Yennefer's condition. She tried different types of spells and magic against patches of her skin and found that she reacted the same to each. The stronger the magic the more Yennefer's skin reacted and the weaker it made her presence. Remembering that Sabrina had said that the herbs and medicines she'd been administering weren't as effective as expected, Tissaia guessed that the illusion she had used to hide Yennefer had been irritating her and working against the healing effects of the cream and draughts.</p>
<p>But without that spell, Yennefer was vulnerable. Nilfgaard would still be looking for her and Tissaia didn't want anyone to see Yennefer is case Fringilla or one of her mages tried to invade their thoughts, or if there were spies among them. Tissaia wanted Yennefer to recover more of her strength before she moved her, but the longer they stayed the greater the risk that Yennefer would be caught, and trying to hide her with spells hindered her healing. Tissaia wasn't sure what to do, so she decided to sleep on it.</p>
<p>Tissaia levitated her bed next to Yennefer's and put a lit oil-lamp on a barrel between them. She re-applied the cream and brushed Yennefer's hair and then her own. When she was finished, Tissaia conjured a small barrier across the tent flap that would wake her up if anyone tried to come in before collapsing into bed.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The hair on the back of Tissaia's neck stood on end and she shuddered. Her eyes snapped open and she shot up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. The empty tent was dimly illuminated by the oil lamp. Tissaia got up and checked the spell that she had placed by the tent flap. It was still intact. Shaking, Tissaia dropped onto the end of her bed and wrapped her fingers around her necklace.</p>
<p>She looked over her shoulder at Yennefer. Her closed eyes were twitching as she tilted her head side to side and fidgeted under her blanket. The star pendant at her neck flickered and Tissaia felt another ripple in the air as Yennefer sent out a pulse of magic. She sat on the edge of Yennefer's bed and held her face.</p>
<p>"Yennefer," Tissaia whispered, lightly tapping her face. "Yennefer, wake up."</p>
<p>Tissaia felt another surge of magic as Yennefer tossed her head making her hands slip. She gripped Yennefer's shoulders and tried to hold her down.</p>
<p><em>Yennefer,</em> Tissaia projected, <em>you need to calm down. Calm down, and open your eyes, Yennefer. I'm right here with you</em>.</p>
<p>Yennefer kept thrashing. The barrel beside her head started to shake and the flame inside the oil lamp flared. Yennefer's chaos was out of control. Tissaia felt her invasive and almost painful presence as she tore and pulled at the source. Anyone nearby who was tuned to magic would be able to sense her, and Yennefer's chaos was getting stronger.</p>
<p>
  <em>Yennefer, you must listen to me. Listen to me, Yennefer. Stop this, please.</em>
</p>
<p>A brush of hot air ruffled Tissaia's dress and blew back her hair as Yennefer gasped and opened her eyes. She tried to sit up, but Tissaia's hands were firmly pushing against her shoulders, keeping Yennefer against the bed. Yennefer's eyes darted around the room.</p>
<p>"Yennefer, I'm right here," Tissaia whispered. "You're safe. It's over."</p>
<p>"Where am I? Why is it so dark?" Yennefer croaked.</p>
<p>Tissaia froze, her lips parted. Yennefer was looking in her direction with wide eyes, but she wouldn't meet her gaze. Her hand trembled slightly as Tissaia brushed some of the hair from Yennefer's face. Yennefer recoiled and curled her fingers tightly around Tissaia's forearm. Her violet irises were dull.</p>
<p>"You're going to be okay, Yennefer. I promise."</p>
<p>Yennefer paused. "Tissaia, what aren't you telling me?"</p>
<p>"Yennefer, you need to calm down-"</p>
<p>"I'm not doing anything until I can see you."</p>
<p>Yennefer pushed off Tissaia's hand and sat up. She started twisting her fingers.</p>
<p>"Yennefer, don't!"</p>
<p>Tissaia grabbed her wrist as Yennefer conjured a ball of light in her hand. It hovered in the air above her leg as Yennefer screamed and doubled over, clutching her sides. Her magic spiked, and Tissaia felt a jolt in her stomach that gave her goosebumps. Yennefer's presence grew wilder and more unstable. Tissaia tried to hold Yennefer's face without burning her hands.</p>
<p>"Yennefer, listen to me. You need to get your chaos under control." <em>Focus on my voice,</em> Tissaia projected, <em>and breathe with me. Feel me, Yennefer. Don't fight it.</em></p>
<p>"Why can't I see you, Tissaia?!" Yennefer asked, clinging to her arms. "I can feel my light, but I can only see darkness. What's going on?"</p>
<p>
  <em>Focus, Yennefer. Control your chaos. Don't let it take over, it will kill you.</em>
</p>
<p>Tissaia tried to deepen their connection but Yennefer resisted her. They struggled against each other and then Yennefer gave way. Tissaia felt her mind and body and tried to guide them. Yennefer's breathing slowed as her lungs started to work in-sync with Tissaia's. She could feel Yennefer inside her head and clenched her jaw when she felt her try to pry into her thoughts. Tissaia tried to stop her, but they were too connected. She felt Yennefer searching around in the back of her head.</p>
<p><em>I'm blind,</em> Yennefer's thought rang inside her head.</p>
<p>
  <em>Yennefer…</em>
</p>
<p>Yennefer completely withdrew from her Tissaia's mind. She tried to hold on, but Yennefer cut the connection and the sudden loss made Tissaia feel empty. The tones of red and gold in Yennefer's skin started to dance as the floor trembled.</p>
<p>Tissaia dropped her hands from Yennefer's face and pulled her forwards. She wrapped her hand around the back of Yennefer's neck and held her, the side of their heads pressed together. The Rectoress closed her eyes and screwed up her face. She began an incantation and Yennefer moaned in pain.</p>
<p>
  <em>Stop! Stop, you're hurting me! Tissaia. Tissaia, stop!</em>
</p>
<p>Yennefer's nails dugs into Tissaia's shoulders as she tried to pull her off, scratching her back and neck before going limp. Tissaia finished her incantation and let go of Yennefer's neck. She felt her presence shrink and her chaos calm as Tissaia's magic put Yennefer into a deep sleep.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Tissaia mumbled into Yennefer's hair.</p>
<p>Breathless, her right-hand throbbing, Tissaia hugged Yennefer's body. She had hurt her, and Yennefer didn't know why. Tissaia hadn't wanted to, but it was for her own good. Someone might have found her. Yennefer had lost control; she could have killed herself. This was for her own good. But Yennefer couldn't understand.</p>
<p>Blisters had already begun to form on Tissaia's hand when she put Yennefer back to bed. She soothed her skin with magic, applied some of Yennefer's cream and wrapped a piece of cloth, torn from her dress, around her palm. With her hand bandaged, Tissaia took the cream and started administering it to Yennefer. She didn't go back to bed when she was finished. Instead, Tissaia stayed up for the rest of the night, making some more cream and medicine while watching Yennefer and making sure that no one had found her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wish I could tell you this is as angsty as it gets... but I would be lying. Hoping to update again next weekend, however, I have a lot of work to do for my dissertation so I can't promise anything :)</p>
<p>Please consider commenting, liking/leaving kudos or sharing on Tumblr (Eileniessa)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Council</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Click. Click. Click. The sound of Tissaia's high heels echoed down one of Aretuza's dimly lit corridors as the Rectoress hurried to the council chamber. The hour was late and the halls were empty. Tissaia picked up the pace. It wouldn't look good if she was the last one there, especially when her unusual tardiness couldn't be explained. The summons had caught her by surprise. She knew that the mages would need to reconvene to discuss Sodden and their next steps, but she had expected to be given more warning, to have more time to prepare.</p>
<p>Four days had passed since Nilfgaard had been pushed back from the Yaruga. Most of the mages had returned to Aretuza to recover after the Northern kingdoms had arrived, but a few had stayed behind to help organize the defence of Sodden, Sabrina and Vilgefortz among them. Tissaia had only been back for a day and she'd been avoiding the Brotherhood since her arrival. They would have a lot of questions for her and their paranoia and curiosity hadn't been helped by her late arrival. Tissaia couldn't guess what they thought, and she didn't care, as long as it was far from the truth.</p>
<p>The room was bustling when she arrived, and the rest of the Brotherhood were already there, but a few people entered after Tissaia as she made her greetings and took her place beside the table. Stregobor and Artorius Vigo watched her from the other side of the room and Tissaia did her best to maintain an air of calm indifference while keeping her thoughts closely guarded. Presentation was everything.</p>
<p>A few minutes after her arrival, the meeting began.</p>
<p>"Nilfgaard's advance across the continent has been halted, but at what cost?" said Artorius. "Our numbers have always been small and now, because some of us decided they would rather be soldiers than mages, we have too many empty seats in our kingdoms. Sodden has weakened us and it has weakened the North. We must act quickly to refill those positions before the North decides they can rule without us."</p>
<p>The chamber was silent. Stregobor and Artorius stared Tissaia down but she didn't flinch.</p>
<p>"Sodden might have diminished our numbers, but it has not taken our strength," she said, placing her hands on the table and leaning forward looking around the room. "The Northern Kingdoms fear the Nilfgaardian Empire. When they learn that the Brotherhood and its mages gave their lives to stop them, they shall demand and praise our council. Sodden has given us strength, the North will hear us and listen as they have not done for centuries."</p>
<p>"But who will they listen to, Tissaia? Because of your actions council chambers throughout the North have been left without a mage. They cannot hear our wisdom when our seats are empty."</p>
<p>"Then we will adapt, as we have always done."</p>
<p>For almost two hours the mages discussed where best to place their remaining members. A lot of mages did not want to move seats, but the Northern Kingdoms bordering the Yaruga would likely want survivors from the battle and they needed to capitalize on the victory at Sodden to extend their influence. Tissaia grew impatient as the mages squabbled and sometimes debated placements. It was a massive upheaval and the council was determined to get it all sorted in one sitting, taking the meeting well into the night.</p>
<p>When the end finally appeared in sight, Tissaia was anxious to leave.</p>
<p>"There is one other matter that needs to be discussed before we disband," announced Stregobor, his eyes momentarily catching Tissaia's. "Yennefer of Vengerberg."</p>
<p>Tissaia gripped her hands more tightly. "Yennefer is dead," she snapped. The room looked at her and she straightened. "Her chaos killed her."</p>
<p>"That's not what Nilfgaard believes," said Artorius. "We've heard rumours that their agents are looking for her."</p>
<p>"And when did the Brotherhood decide to start believing in tall tales over truth. I was there," said Tissaia, addressing the room, "I saw Yennefer raze Sodden to the ground. Her chaos was completely out of control; she could not have survived."</p>
<p>"But you did," Stregobor commented, pointing a finger at her. "Do you deny it?"</p>
<p>"Would I be standing here if I did, Stregobor?"</p>
<p>"Do you, Tissaia, deny that you were incapacitated during the attack?"</p>
<p>"I do not."</p>
<p>"Do you-"</p>
<p>"Get to the point, Stregobor," Tissaia interrupted. "Many of us have better things to do than watch you enjoy the sound of your own voice."</p>
<p>A few of the mages laughed and Stregobor inclined his head politely, smiling with blatant insincerity.</p>
<p>"The council would like to know how you survived Yennefer's rampant chaos, which burned down everything on that hillside but you, when you were infected with dimeritium poisoning." Stregobor paused and swept his eyes across the room as people began to murmur. "We all know the properties of that accursed metal, so I do not need to explain to the council that it would have been impossible for you, Tissaia, to have saved yourself. Do you deny it?"</p>
<p>"I do not."</p>
<p>"Then the council must assume that someone else intervened. Yet," Stregobor swept his arms around the room, "no one has come forward to claim the honour of saving the life of Aretuza's great Rectoress. How did you survive, Tissaia? Who saved you?"</p>
<p>Tissaia paused. "Yennefer protected me from her chaos, but-"</p>
<p>"And there we have it," said Stregobor, smashing his hands against the table, "if Yennefer had completely lost control, then she would not have been able to spare the life of her mentor. But as we can all see, Tissaia de Vries is thankfully still with us, so I do not believe that anyone should object to the council declaring Yennefer of Vengerberg alive and missing."</p>
<p>The chamber was silent. Stregobor smiled.</p>
<p>"Fine, believe your rumours if you wish," said Tissaia, "and let this meeting adjourn. Or do you also wish to regale the curse of the black sun or Lilit's return too, Stregobor?"</p>
<p>A few of the mages laughed and Stregobor narrowed his eyes. He opened his mouth but closed it again when Artorius placed a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Whether you chose to believe Nilfgaard is up to you, but be warned," he said, "the Brotherhood demands that any knowledge of her whereabouts or condition be reported. Yennefer of Vengerberg is a traitor; she used forbidden magic to win a war that should never have taken place. She has painted a target on her back that could see our work be interfered with. If Fringilla wants her, then she is valuable to us. Anyone caught harbouring Yennefer will be considered a traitor and will face the same punishment that awaits her. This meeting is adjourned."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Tissaia moved around the council chamber for a short while, conversing with the other mages as was expected. It would be against etiquette for her to depart immediately, and decorum was of the highest importance, especially when she did not want to draw attention to herself. Most of the mages who approached her inquired about Yennefer with varying degrees of subtlety. There was nothing unusual about their curiosity, besides being Yennefer's mentor she had also seen her defiant stand at Sodden. But that didn't mean she wasn't under suspicion.</p>
<p>When the chamber was almost empty, Tissaia withdrew and headed back to her quarters. She was careful to walk slowly this time. Each action she took needed to be thoroughly considered now because everybody would be watching. Tissaia smiled at two of her colleagues as she passed and did not rush to leave when they pulled her into conversation. She played the uptight and formal Rectoress of Aretuza while inside her chest tightened with each delay.</p>
<p>Yennefer was alone in her chambers, and Tissaia had been gone too long. She had to get back before something happened; before someone found her. If Yennefer had an episode in Aretuza… Tissaia didn't want to think about it. It wouldn't happen. She wouldn't let it.</p>
<p>After hiding Yennefer in Sodden for three days, Tissaia and Sabrina had been forced to move her through a portal. It had been getting too risky hiding her in the ruins with all the soldiers moving about. It would have been easy for a spy to slip in and look about and the spells they had been using to hide Yennefer in case someone entered the tent were slowing her recovery.</p>
<p>The glow had almost faded from Yennefer's skin when Tissaia and Sabrina carried her through a portal and into Tissaia's chambers, but it had returned before she'd reached the other side. Most of the progress Yennefer had made was reversed, but in Aretuza she would be able to recover faster. They wouldn't need to hide her with magic. She would be safe, as long as she slept.</p>
<p>The Rectoress' office and chambers were deep inside Aretuza and she was stopped several times along the way. When she reached her floor, knowing that it would be empty, Tissaia began to walk with some urgency. Beneath the long, wide sleeves of her dress, Tissaia's forearms were marked with red fingerprints and she did not let go until she was at her door.</p>
<p>Tissaia froze. A small bead of blood pressed against her fingertip as she broke the surface of her skin with a fingernail. The door to her chambers was open. Tissaia ran inside.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I managed to get this chapter ready in time, yay! Hopefully I'll update next weekend too :)</p>
<p>Please consider commenting, liking/leaving kudos or sharing on Tumblr (Eileniessa)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Triss watched the light of the candle dance across the ceiling as she lay awake in bed. Her eyelids were heavy, and her body ached, but she wasn't ready to give in to sleep. That's where the nightmares would be. She wanted a sleeping draught to make them go away, but the healers wouldn't let her have anymore. They said she needed to ease off the potions before she became dependent; that she needed to face the problem now because it would be worse later.</p>
<p>Seeing a pitcher of water on her bedside table, Triss sat up and poured herself a glass. The water was lukewarm, so she placed a hand over the top of the goblet and said an incantation. A shiver ran down her spine as she drank the icy drink and a few drops slipped down her chin and soaked into the bandage wrapped around her chest. Triss touched the damp spots gently. There were a few runes painted onto her bandages, making the fabric soothingly cold. They were a few days old now and she needed to change them, but she didn't want to see. The poultices and enchanted items had taken away all her pain, but they couldn't heal her completely. Triss didn't want to see herself until they could.</p>
<p>With the pitcher empty, Triss didn't have anything else to keep her awake. She lay back down and fingered her enchanted amulet absentmindedly. One of the healers had given it to her when she'd arrived in Aretuza to be treated. They said they would speak to the Rectoress about making it more potent when she visited, but Tissaia never did. Triss hadn't left the ward since she'd arrived, but the other mages had told her that Tissaia's transfer had been delayed. When she did manage to return, Tissaia kept to herself and stayed in her chambers leaving Triss without any visitors. Triss had overheard the healers speculating that the Rectoress might have been traumatized. She'd lost a lot of her former students at the battle, and perhaps she couldn't bear to face the ones that were left. Triss didn't believe them. She couldn't picture Tissaia in the way they had described; it just wasn't right.</p>
<p>But those weren't the only whispers. There were other rumours too, rumours about her friend. But whenever Triss asked, the healers would hush her and change the conversation. When Triss had pressed them, the mages had scolded her for saying Yennefer's name. They were afraid to talk about her openly, and no one would tell Triss why. It worried her. She wondered what trouble Yennefer had gotten herself into and hoped that it wasn't anything serious; Triss wasn't ready to lose her too. Triss wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeves and threw off the bedsheets, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Hunched over, she held her head in her hands and cried.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, Triss got up and washed her tear-stained face in a basin. When she caught herself in the mirror, she quickly looked away and changed into a dress that hugged her neck. The ward was quiet. The healers had retired for the night and the other patients were asleep. If Triss wanted help, she would have to wake someone, but the healers wouldn't give her what she needed. Tissaia might. She could make her a draught if she asked, and if she refused, at least the Rectoress might be able to set her mind at rest. Triss didn't have anyone else to talk to. They were either dead or missing. She needed Tissaia and she didn't want to wait any longer.</p>
<p>Triss opened the door to the ward and hesitated. She pressed a hand against her chest, took a deep breath and then stepped out into the corridor. She listened for the sound of footsteps as she walked to Tissaia's chambers, changing direction whenever she heard someone coming her way.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Triss knocked on the door to Tissaia's quarters and flinched when it moved inwards. Her brow wrinkled, she stared for a moment at the door and then pushed down on the handle which didn't move. Tissaia had locked her door but not shut it properly. Most of the doors in Aretuza were old and stiff and you had to forcefully push or pull them into place. Tissaia knew that, and she always did. Triss remembered that she hated having the door even slightly ajar because it would creak and scrape against the stone floor whenever someone walked past. She'd often told Triss off as a student for not checking, and now she hadn't. The Rectoress was precise and thorough with everything she did, she never left anything out of place. Not even a door.</p>
<p>"Tissaia," Triss called quietly.</p>
<p>There was no answer. Triss pushed the door open a stuck her head around it, peering into the room. Tissaia's office was full of bookcases and glass cabinets housing objects and books from across the continent. Triss knew that some of them predated the conjunction, making them older than the Rectoress herself, though no one was quite sure of her age, just that her lifespan dated centuries. In front of the window, through which Triss could see the stars, was a large wooden desk laden with well-organized possessions.</p>
<p>Triss hadn't seen Tissaia's office in years, not since she'd been assigned to Temeria, but it all looked the same. There was only one thing out of place. Tissaia's office was well lit, but empty; Triss couldn't sense another presence nearby. That was another thing that she never did. It was dangerous to leave sources of chaos unattended in a place of magic, especially when those using it hadn't all ascended.</p>
<p>"Tissaia," Triss called again, taking two steps into the office and hesitating.</p>
<p>The Rectoress was too particular about things for anything out of place to not be alarming and peculiar, but Triss didn't know what to do. She wasn't sure she wanted to see Tissaia as anything less than perfect. Triss thought that it might be best to leave and pretend she had never seen anything. She could always try making a sleeping draught herself, the greenhouse would surely be empty this late at night.</p>
<p>Taking one last look around the office, Triss turned around and started towards the door. But then, she stopped and looked over her shoulder. She held her breath and listened. Someone was mumbling in the room next door. Triss ran a hand through her hair, twirling a lock around her finger. Then she screwed up her eyes and sighed, turning on her heels and moving across the office to the other door. When Triss opened it, she gasped.</p>
<p>"Yennefer!"</p>
<p>Triss bounded forwards and approached the fourposter bed in the middle of the Rectoress' circular chambers. Yennefer's head was sticking out from under the blue and grey covers and she was tossing and turning in her sleep, mumbling indistinctly. She didn't react when Triss sat on the edge of the bed and bent over her, lips parted, or when she gently shook Yennefer's shoulders. There was a bandage wrapped around her eyes and it was painted with runes that Triss mostly didn't recognize. Yennefer's skin was slightly red and shiny in the candlelight, and Triss saw a jar of cream on the bedside table next to the silver candlestick holder, Yennefer's star pendant hooked around its base. The smell of lilac and gooseberries was faint amidst the earthy mix of herbs from the poultice on her skin.</p>
<p>"Yennefer…" Triss sighed.</p>
<p>Hesitantly, Triss touched Yennefer's face; it seemed as though she had a fever. As she checked Yennefer's temperature Triss saw a flicker of light dance up her neck and across her cheek. Then, it moved under her fingers on Yennefer's forehead and Triss drew back her hand, surprised. It felt like chaos. Then, she realized something. Yennefer was alive and right there, but Triss couldn't sense her presence even while magic danced across her face. It was possible for a mage to mask the aura that they gave off, but Yennefer was unconscious and Triss couldn't see any enchanted items on her person that could be covering her.</p>
<p>And why was she hidden? What was Yennefer doing in Tissaia's bedchambers? She was sick; she needed to be in the ward with the healers, but instead, she was being treated here in secret presumably by the Rectoress. Triss guessed that was why she had been keeping to herself, and she remembered the way the other mages had talked about Yennefer in the ward. She had done something to scare them, but what?</p>
<p>Triss dropped a hand to the covers, placing it where she thought Yennefer's hand would be. For a moment, she felt something hard against her fingers and then a static shock. Triss drew back her hand and rubbed her fingers. Eyes wide, she got up off the bed and pulled down the bedcovers to Yennefer's knees. She was wearing a black silk nightgown and there was something wrapped around both her wrists. Triss brought her hands to her mouth when she confirmed what it was. Dimeritium. That's why she couldn't feel her. There was a thin band of dimeritium shackled around Yennefer's slender wrists, resting on a thick roll of bandages so that it wasn't touching her skin. Surely that can't have been Tissaia. Why would she do that?</p>
<p>Triss went back to the bed and lifted one of Yennefer's hands, looking at the dimeritium to see how she could open it. There was a small keyhole in the back and Triss looked around the bedroom to see if she can see a set of keys hanging anywhere, but she couldn't. Triss put Yennefer's hand down and walked over to the vanity beside the door, sitting down and searching through the doors. Halfway through the second draw, Triss heard someone moving across the adjacent room towards her. She got up and pressed herself against the vanity. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as she felt the other person channelling chaos.</p>
<p>The figure moved swiftly into the room, stopping in front of the doorway and looking around. Triss caught their eye and held very still, biting her tongue as Tissaia stared at her, magic pounding at her fingertips. Her face softened a little and her shoulders dropped as she lowered her hand. She looked over her shoulder at the bed, where Yennefer was still thrashing about, and stepped forwards, fixing Triss with a look that made her feel like a guilty apprentice again.</p>
<p>"Triss, what did you do?" Tissaia asked. "Tell me."</p>
<p>"I- nothing, I-"</p>
<p>"Did you use any magic on her?"</p>
<p>"No, I haven't."</p>
<p>Tissaia bowed her head for a moment and then looked up.</p>
<p>"Go and lock the doors then come straight back in here. Don't say anything until I address you."</p>
<p>"I-"</p>
<p>"Now, Triss."</p>
<p>Triss nodded and stepped around Tissaia. She closed the door to Tissaia's quarters and double-checked that it was shut and locked before going back into the bedroom and closing the door behind her. Tissaia was hovering over Yennefer, moving her eyes up and down her body and touching her face. Then she reached for the tub of cream and started rubbing it over Yennefer's arm, holding her wrist tightly with one hand to hold her still. When Tissaia had finished her arms Yennefer had already begun to calm down. Her head only occasionally slipped from Tissaia's hands as she treated it, and when Tissaia had finished applying the cream to Yennefer's body, she was completely still and silent.</p>
<p>Tissaia got up from the bed and wiped her hands on a piece of cloth airing by the window. Then she pulled the covers over Yennefer and walked away towards the bookcase opposite the bed. She took a few heavy tomes off the middle shelf and set them down on a table. Tissaia pulled a set of keys from a concealed pocket in her dress and pushed one into the empty shelf. Triss heard something click, and Tissaia pulled off a small wooden panel and took a glass vial from the hidden compartment before putting the bookcase back together. Tissaia set the vial on the bedside table with the cream and looked at Triss, who was standing at the foot of the bed. She walked up to her, hand clasped in front of her, and watched her with a stern expression. Triss shifted her weight to her back foot and tried to keep her hands still.</p>
<p>"What are you doing here, Triss?" Tissaia asked.</p>
<p>"I was looking for you."</p>
<p>"So, you decided to invite yourself into my quarters?"</p>
<p>"You- you left your door open. I came in because I was worried, Tissaia, I-."</p>
<p>"Does anyone else know Yennefer is here?" she interrupted. "Did you see anyone else in here? Have you told anyone?"</p>
<p>Triss shook her head. "No, I don't think so. Your quarters were empty when I arrived, but I just got here."</p>
<p>"What did you come here for?"</p>
<p>"For a sleeping draught, and to talk."</p>
<p>"Why didn't you ask one of the healers?"</p>
<p>"I did, they said I can't have anymore."</p>
<p>Tissaia watched her silently for a moment and then turned around. She stepped towards the window and curled her hand around the top of an armchair next to the bookcase. It was facing the foot of the bed and there was a blanket folded over one of its arms.</p>
<p>"You should leave, Triss," Tissaia said after a moment, looking around. "Forget everything you've seen. You came to ask me for a sleeping draught, and I refused you, then you left. You didn't see anything. Yennefer is dead, Triss, do you understand?"</p>
<p>"No, I don't," Triss replied. "What's going on, Tissaia?"</p>
<p>"That's not your concern, Triss. If you want to help Yennefer, then do as I said. Forget everything."</p>
<p>"That's not fair," Triss snapped. She took a step forward and stood over the Rectoress. "I'm not leaving until you explain what I've seen. Yennefer is unconscious in your chambers, in your bed, shackled like- like a prisoner. What have you done to her?!"</p>
<p>Something in Tissaia gave out. She dropped her eyes from Triss' face and drew her arms to her body, curling her fingers around her neck and holding her waist. When she looked up, her eyes glistened. Triss barely recognized her. The Rectoress had never been less than perfect. Tissaia swallowed and, her voice breaking slightly, answered her:</p>
<p>"What I had to."</p>
<hr/>
<p>This section of the story ended up being longer than I expected, so the story will be 6 rather than 5 chapters long :) Also, next week will be an emotional train wreck so prepare yourselves.</p>
<p>Please consider commenting, liking/leaving kudos or sharing on Tumblr (Eileniessa)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Trapped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tissaia dropped into the armchair by the bookcase and traced the pattern on the blanket folded up and draped over its arm. She watched Yennefer silently for a few moments and then closed her eyes. Triss waited for the Rectoress to compose herself, still shaken from seeing the crack in her indifferent demeanour. It's not that Triss had ever doubted that Tissaia cared for her students, for the young women that she had trained and guided over decades. Rather, she had never expected that love to run so deep, or for Tissaia to be so troubled by the state of her former charge. Tissaia was never one to admit that she cared or to show it in her face, until now.</p>
<p>"Everything I have done for Yennefer," the Rectoress said calmly after a few moments, "everything I have done to her, it has all been for her own good, Triss." Tissaia paused and turned to look at Triss "I swear it."</p>
<p>"I believe you, Tissaia." Triss sat down on the edge of a small side table beside the armchair. Tissaia didn't comment, another indication at her disturbed state. "But why have you done these things?"</p>
<p>"To keep her safe," Tissaia replied curtly. Then she sighed and bent her head back, rubbing her palm over her forehead and the top of her head. "Nilfgaard and the Brotherhood search for her, but I intend to give her to neither. She shall stay here, with me."</p>
<p>"What do they want with her?"</p>
<p>"To make an example of her, I imagine, though I don't care to entertain how."</p>
<p>Triss frowned. Yennefer must have done something after all, but what could have gotten her in trouble with the mages and the south? She leaned forward, bringing her face closer to Tissaia's.</p>
<p>"What has Yennefer done, Tissaia? The other mages speak of her in whispers and dare not say her name. Tell me, please, what sort of trouble is she in?"</p>
<p>"Trouble so deep that I'm not sure even I can save her from it," Tissaia replied quietly, looking sideways at the bed. After a pause, she continued. "Yennefer decimated Nilfgaard's last approach using forbidden magic. She unleashed her chaos on the hillside destroying everything for miles, except for me, and it has left her weak and vulnerable. Chaos has taken control of her completely and it threatens to kill her, either by doing the job itself or by alerting those that would seek to harm her to her presence. The Brotherhood has branded her a traitor, and would no doubt seek to execute her slowly and painful for all the difficulty she has caused them, yet I fear she would fair better with them than if she fell into Fringilla's hands. Even three days past I still feel her anger and hatred lingering inside of me. She is driven in equal parts by the desire to serve her Emperor well, and by the need to crush anyone that stands in Nilfgaard's way.</p>
<p>"And so now you know, Triss, for all the good that will do. Yennefer has made two very powerful and dangerous enemies, one from either side of the continent, and I know not where else she might be safe to rest other than here, with me, under my care and protection. Yet, though Aretuza is my house, I live under the eye of the Brotherhood. I had to take precautions to keep Yennefer safe and hidden, and if they seem cruel to you than I would ask that you offer an alternative for I have searched and found nothing."</p>
<p>Triss leant back as Tissaia got to her feet. She moved over to the vanity that Triss has been rifling through before she had arrived and started moving things around, putting everything back in order. Triss watched her silently, blinking away the tears forming in her eyes. With the second draw still hanging open, Tissaia turned around, fingers gripping the edge of the vanity.</p>
<p>"Despise me for it, if you must," she said, "but do not interfere, Triss. I shall not risk Yennefer's safety to suit your fanciful ideals. This is the only way to keep her safe and if you find this task too great, or too cruel, then I suggest that you leave now because you shall not enjoy what else there is to learn."</p>
<p>Tissaia stayed by the vanity, waiting, and Triss felt her piercing gaze on the back of her head as she buried her face in her hands. How had her night come to this? She'd left the sanctuary of her bed in the ward to search for peace only to find herself surrounded with the same sort of pain and trouble that she had been trying to avoid. Too many fears already haunted her hours, she did not need more trouble to bear. Yet she could not leave Tissaia to handle this alone. She was already cracking under the weight of it. Besides, Yennefer was her friend and Triss would not forgive herself easily if she let her go.</p>
<p>"I want to stay, Tissaia, and help you both," Triss answered.</p>
<p>"Yennefer is all that you should concern yourself with."</p>
<p>"I don't think she is. Look at yourself, Tissaia, you're coming undone. You left the door to your quarters open and unguarded. What if someone other than me had discovered her?"</p>
<p>"I'll admit that I made a mistake, but I would hardly say that such a brief moment of carelessness warrants your concern. I was simply caught off guard by the Council's summons. It won't happen again."</p>
<p>Triss nodded. She wanted to press the matter further, but she knew better than to think Tissaia would admit more about her state than she already had.</p>
<p>"I'll do what you need me to, Tissaia," Triss said, standing up and moving towards the Rectoress. "And though I do not yet know whether I agree with your methods, I do not believe that they will be enough to hide her forever. You must know that you cannot keep Yennefer here if you wish to hide her from the Brotherhood, they will find her eventually. Your absence has already caused a stir and questions that you cannot answer will soon follow."</p>
<p>Tissaia hung her head and sighed. "I know, Triss," she said to the floor, "but-"</p>
<p>Triss leant over the foot of the bed as Yennefer groaned and started moving beneath the covers. She felt Tissaia brush past her as she sat on the edge of the bed beside Yennefer's head. Tissaia reached for a silver pitcher in the large draw at the bottom of the bedside table and covered the top with one of her hands. Triss overheard the incantation that she made, and saw her brows furrow in concentration as she conjured enough apple juice to fill the pitcher. Tissaia poured out a glass and then took the small vial she had left on the table earlier and emptied its cloudy contents into the drink, swirling it carefully.</p>
<p>"Yennefer… Yennefer can you hear me?" Tissaia called softly while she stroked the younger woman's face.</p>
<p>"Tis- Tissaia?" Yennefer mumbled, turning her head slowly to the sound of the Rectoress' voice. "Where-"</p>
<p>"Hush, girl, don't worry yourself. All is well. Drink this, and then I shall fetch a candle."</p>
<p>Tissaia helped raise up Yennefer's head and held the goblet to her lips as she drank. When it was gone, Tissaia set the goblet back down and stroked Yennefer's hair as her head inched sideways. Within minutes of waking up, Yennefer was fast asleep again.</p>
<p>Triss rubbed her fingers against one of the glossy wooden poles of the fourposter bed as Tissaia put the pitcher and goblet away and hide the empty vile in the bookcase with the other bottles. They were sleeping draughts, strong ones too. One vial would be enough to keep Yennefer asleep for half the day. Tissaia had several bottles, half of which were already empty, and Triss wondered how many times Tissaia had drugged Yennefer without her knowledge.</p>
<p>"It is the only way to keep her calm – manageable," Tissaia said in response to her silence. "When she is awake, Yennefer panics and rages over the loss of her sight. It's enough to alert anyone on this floor and below it."</p>
<p>"Yennefer is blind?!"</p>
<p>Tissaia chuckled under her breath and sat back down in her armchair. She was holding a bottle of wine and two goblets, setting both on the table and filling them halfway. Tissaia beckoned Triss forwards with a finger, and she took the goblet from the table, sitting in the chair opposite.</p>
<p>"Did you think I bound her eyes simply because I could?" Tissaia mocked.</p>
<p>"Why not, when there is dimeritium shackled to her wrists?"</p>
<p>The goblet froze half-way to Tissaia's lips as she narrowed her eyes at Triss who took a sip of her wine to break away from her gaze.</p>
<p>"Did I not already stress the importance of keeping Yennefer's presence concealed, Triss?" Tissaia replied coldly. "Dimeritium does so and it is better than any spell or enchantment because its effects cannot be broken. You know this, yet you still desire to picture me as Yennefer's captor, to see her as my prisoner, as you say."</p>
<p>"That's not true, Tissaia. I'm sorry, I simply didn't think. You must see that this is all rather overwhelming."</p>
<p>Tissaia seemed to consider her for a moment, staring at her over the rim of her goblet before taking a drink and setting it down.</p>
<p>"The bandages around her face," she said, "I made them to help her eyes heal, but progress will be slow. It could be months, maybe even years before Yennefer's sight is fully restored. And until such a time, I am unable to let her wake and regain control of her chaos for she succumbs to the darkness and cannot be stilled.</p>
<p>"Do you see my predicament, Triss? How I am stuck in a vicious cycle. I must keep Yennefer chained and sleeping to stop her chaos or her voice from calling out to all those that search for her, and I cannot teach her control while she is blinded or under the nose of those that mean her harm. I am trapped between the desire to keep her safe, and to see her get well. And as one cannot happen without the other, it is her security that I have chosen. I would do more for her health if I could, but my energy is mostly spent on my own recovery, and on sustaining her." Tissaia looked over her shoulder at the bed, her lips pinched together. "I've nothing else left to give," she whispered.</p>
<p>Triss leant forwards and placed her hand over Tissaia's as she balled the blanket up in her fist. Tissaia was right. She had already sacrificed a lot and risked even more to get Yennefer this far, yet it wasn't enough. Yennefer couldn't stay here, and Tissaia couldn't go. She needed somewhere else to recover, and someone to care for her in a way that Tissaia could not.</p>
<p>"We'll think of something," Triss said, squeezing Tissaia's hand.</p>
<p>The Rectoress nodded and they fell into silence.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Poor Tissaia. Please don't feel so bad! I hope this offered as much angst as you expected. I'm not so good at writing this truly heartfelt stuff (what is emotion?)</p>
<p>Please consider commenting, liking/leaving kudos or sharing on Tumblr (Eileniessa)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Letting Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The waters surrounding Aretuza were unusually calm that night, and the sea appeared almost ethereal in the light of the full moon. The cloudless sky was full of stars, and Tissaia traced the patterns of all the constellations that she knew with her eyes as she sat in an armchair by her window. She was particularly tired that evening, and would eagerly have curled up and fallen asleep where she sat if her stomach weren't so twisted with nerves and a sense of dread that would not leave her no matter how much she tried to reason with it. When the night sky failed to help her push her feelings to the bottom of her stomach, Tissaia got up and moved towards the vanity on the other side of her chambers.</p><p>She picked up the leather bag that sat upon it and plunged her arm inside, moving it around a space that the bag did not look as though it could possess. Slowly, Tissaia emptied its contents and set each item down on the vanity. Four dresses of black, white and grey, a small wooden box containing a few sleeping draughts, a roll of enchanted bandages painted with runes, a pouch containing some gold and a few precious gems, a perfume bottle that smelt of lilac and gooseberries, a jar of cream, and a silver medallion the size of her palm which had a diamond at its centre. She pulled an identical piece from her pocket and heated it. The other medallion grew hot. After a few minutes they cooled, and Tissaia heated up the medallion from the bag and hers started to burn the palm of her hand. She put her medallion back inside the pocket in her dress and repacked the bottomless bag carefully before putting it back on the vanity. It was the third time she'd checked its contents that evening. She wanted to make sure that Yennefer would have everything she needed when she left. When Triss took her away.</p><p>Tissaia had agreed to Triss' plan, but she was uneasy about the decision. If they had more time, she would have preferred to search for a different solution, but they didn't. Yennefer wouldn't be safe in Aretuza for much longer. Tissaia stepped back from the vanity and walked into her office, sitting down at the chair behind her deck. She stared at the letter on her desk and tapped her fingernails against the glass inkpot as she read it over. It had been revisited more times than the bag and after hours pondering over it, several failed attempts stacked under a book beside her, she still wasn't happy with it. Tissaia held the bottom right corner of the letter between two fingers, wondering whether she should just let her words burn. It might be better for both of them if she did.</p><p>It had been a week since Sodden, and the other mages were becoming more blatant and intrusive regarding the Rectoress' continued absence and withdrawal from Aretuza's operation and the education of its apprentices. Stregobor, in particular, had been rather incessant with his questions and took every opportunity he had to remark to their colleagues that he did not regard her explanations as truthful, though he had not said as much to her face; that would require a spine. Though she knew that he did not speak for the Brotherhood, Tissaia was aware that they were beginning to take an interest in her as a result of her suspicious behaviour and her connection with the traitor Yennefer. If not for the position and power that she held, Tissaia knew she would have been interrogated officially by now, and that would probably include an inspection of her quarters, where she was currently harbouring a fugitive. Though she couldn't be sure, Tissaia suspected that she could be absent for another week before the Brotherhood felt they had enough evidence to question her. Yennefer needed to be gone long before then.</p><p>Remnants of chaos still lit up her face and warmed her, but Yennefer's skin had otherwise healed well, and when Tissaia had momentarily removed the dimeritium shackles Yennefer's presence had felt stronger though still erratic. She looked far better than she had done when Tissaia had held her in her arms at Sodden, or when she'd been forced to take her through a portal and into Aretuza, but her full brilliance was still dulled. Yennefer's hair was starting to lose its shine from lack of sunlight and vitamin D, and the sleeping draughts made her face appear almost lifeless. Though they were sharp and often cold, Tissaia missed the sound of Yennefer's voice and wished that she did not have to bind her violent eyes. She had wanted to see Yennefer whole again before she left, but she should have known from the start that that would not be possible. Tissaia would be forced to remember her as she lay instead for who knows how many years. They had spent decades apart before, and they might do so now. Who was to say that Yennefer would even want to see her again, after what she had done? Tissaia wasn't hopeful, but she wished to at least have a chance to explain someday - if Yennefer would allow it.</p><p>Tissaia let go of the letter and sighed, leaning her elbows against the desk and holding her head in her hands. She closed her eyes and massaged her temples until there was a knock at the door. Tissaia looked up and reached out with her mind, releasing the arms of her chair when she felt Triss' presence outside. It was time. Tissaia put her hands on the desk and got up slowly. Her fingers brushed the edge of the letter and she held it in one hand, the parchment crumbling slightly as she grasped it a little too tightly. After what felt like an age, Tissaia put the letter down and folded it before sealing it with wax. Pocketing it, she glided towards the door and greeted Triss with a small smile and a calm demeanour that fell away almost as soon as the door was shut and locked.</p>
<hr/><p>After Tissaia conjured a portal that could not be traced, she and Triss carried Yennefer through, being careful not to touch her skin. With the dimeritium shackles removed to transport her, Tissaia felt Yennefer's presence flare and lash out as she was engulfed by the magic of the portal before her aura weakened and Tissaia had to reach out to find her. The Rectoress' breathe caught in her throat as she watched her work and care come undone, her chest tightening. Yennefer had just stopped thrashing in her sleep, and now her skin would irritate her again. Tissaia looked up from the body she was helping to carry and tried to take a deep breath. It was all for the best. She had to remember that, as she had before.</p><p>A tear slid down Triss' cheek as the portal closed behind them and Tissaia pretended not to notice as the younger sorceress wiped it away on her shoulder. Instead, she took in her new surroundings. They were in a small clearing in the middle of an otherwise dense forest, the light of the moon barely penetrating the canopy. An old but well-kept stone building towered before them, a candle flickering in a few of its windows. The fine but not elaborate architecture of the rectangular structure could leave no doubt in most minds that this was a place of worship. The Temple of Melitele, to be precise. Tissaia knew it to be one of the oldest sites of human worship on the continent, and that its priestesses were dedicated to their goddess and their work of tending to the sick. Many of them were great healers and the temple itself contained centuries of knowledge about medicinal practices. They would be able to help Yennefer, but their skills weren't the source of Tissaia's misgivings.</p><p>Triss had assured her that they could handle their case with discretion, remarking that they had done so when she had brought Adda, the recently cured striga and princess, to them, but Tissaia still worried. The fear and dread that Yennefer might not be secure behind these walls continued to eat at her insides. Could the priestesses be discrete enough to hide Yennefer from those that sought her, and could they be trusted to keep her hidden and not turn her over, especially when she had the potential to cause them great trouble and strife because of her state, and more generally her confrontational personality?</p><p>Yet, while all those worries and more filled her mind, Tissaia knew that the real reason she was unhappy was that she didn't want to let go. She wanted to keep Yennefer under her wing until she could see her fly away by herself, but it wasn't fair to keep her caged anymore. Tissaia had cared for her and she had tried to make Yennefer comfortable, but a gilded cage was still a cage. Yennefer needed to have the chance to spread her wings and test them, and Tissaia could not provide her with a space to do so, or give her the attention she needed to learn how to fly again. She had at least hoped that they would find Yennefer a place where she could keep an eye on her, but the Temple of Melitele was not far enough out of the way for frequent visits. This risk that she might eventually leave a trace that some passing mage on the road might pick up on was too great. Tonight, Tissaia would have to let go completely, and it would be of Yennefer's choosing whether this would be their final parting. Tissaia would not seek her out as she had before. She couldn't, after all she had done.</p><p>They stood outside for less than a minute before the door to the temple opened and three figures emerged. Two of them, girls that Tissaia imagined were no less than two summers away from reaching womanhood, came out to meet them while the third stood in the doorway and watched. The two priestesses were carrying a stretcher between them, and Triss and Tissaia transferred Yennefer's body onto it and then followed behind them as they took the sorceress inside.</p><p>"Mother Nenneke," Triss smiled and bowed her head towards the women in the doorway.</p><p>Standing beside Triss, Tissaia looked at the older priestess and sized her up and she felt Nenneke do the same to her. She was an elderly figure, her face weathered with wrinkles that gave her a stern yet kind appearance. Her hair was tied up in a practical bun on top of her head and she stood remarkably tall and straight for a woman of her age.</p><p>"Triss," Mother Nenneke greeted after a few moments, looking at the other sorceress briefly before turning back to Tissaia. "And would I be right to assume that you are Tissaia, Rectoress of Aretuza?"</p><p>"Indeed, you would be," Tissaia replied, inclining her head. "May I please ask that we take this inside, with your leave, of course. There are a few matters that I wish to discuss with you, Mother Nenneke, and I do not wish to speak of them in the open."</p><p>The high priestess paused for a moment and then stepped to the side, gesturing for the sorceress to enter.</p><p>"Triss has already informed me of your situation Rectoress, and of Yennefer's," said Mother Nenneke as she closed the door behind them. "Her case will be difficult, and her recovery will be long, tedious and often painful for her, but we shall see that she gets through it."</p><p>"Of that, I have no doubt, Mother Nenneke." Tissaia moved around the small foyer, casting her eyes across its sparse furnishings before standing in front of the priestess, hands clasped in front of her. "Do not take my queries as evidence that I question your skill, because I do not. I know that Yennefer will be well cared for by the temple, that is not my concern."</p><p>"No, but her safety is. You do not believe that we can, or perhaps that we will choose to keep Yennefer from those that hunt her."</p><p>It was not a question, but a statement, and over Nenneke's shoulder, Tissaia saw Triss tense.</p><p>"I do not," Tissaia replied.</p><p>Nenneke furrowed her brow and pinned Tissaia with a scrutinizing gaze. For a few moments, they stared at each other in silence while Triss watched on, worrying her bottom lip. Then, Nenneke's expression softened slightly.</p><p>"Though I feel inclined to take offence, Rectoress," admitted Nenneke, "I sympathize with your situation. I know that I too would have misgivings about relinquishing one of my charges to the care of a stranger. We are not that dissimilar, you and I, and I can see that you say such things from a position of care and not superiority."</p><p>Tissaia inclined her head, momentarily lowering her gaze. "Causing offence was never my intention, Mother Nenneke."</p><p>Nenneke nodded. "Though the Temple might not look like much to magicians such as yourselves, it does have its own protections, those written in ancient laws and passed on in sacred traditions. Word of our new charge will not spread beyond these walls and we know enough about magic to keep her hidden from the gaze of her enemies. She will leave here only of her free will, Rectoress."</p><p>"Then I am reassured, Mother Nenneke," Tissaia replied, smiling faintly, "and I thank you for providing Yennefer with that which I cannot. But if I might ask one more thing of you before I go, then I would like to request the chance to see her again. I might not soon receive another opportunity."</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>The high priestesses led Tissaia and Triss to a small square room at the back of the temple. When she opened the door, Tissaia saw Yennefer lying on a rickety old bed on the far side of the room. One of the initiates who had helped carry her inside was sitting in a chair at the foot of her bed, reading. Tissaia felt some of her unease fade away; they had not left Yennefer alone.</p><p>Nenneke dismissed the girl and stood back as the sorceresses entered the room. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Tissaia took the bag she had packed from Triss and took out the jar of cream. She scooped some into her hands and rubbed her fingers together to warm it. Then, she began to apply it to Yennefer's body in silence, glancing from time to time at Yennefer's peaceful face. As she worked, Tissaia wondered whether Yennefer's eyes would ever be as bright as before. She hoped that they would, she wouldn't look right otherwise.</p><p>When Tissaia was finished she got up and put the cream on a small round table, the only other piece of furniture in the room beside the bed, chair, and a chest near the door. As she had done several times before, Tissaia laid out everything she had packed and hung the empty bag on the chair before turning to Nenneke.</p><p>"If there is any trouble, if you find that either you or Yennefer needs me, heat this medallion and I shall come at once."</p><p>She held out the silver trinket to Nenneke who took it from her without a word, and Tissaia could read nothing from her features. Looking over her shoulder, Tissaia turned her attention back to the bed. Triss had taken up her position, the edge of the mattress dipping under her weight as she held her friend's hand, caressing it. The sight stirred something in Tissaia, and it took her a few moments to realize that she was jealous. Triss didn't have to say her final goodbye. She could visit, and she probably would. Tissaia could not risk taking too many portals to these parts, and she could not travel the roads to the temple without raising suspicion because she had to show her face and do her duties. Triss did not, she wasn't bound by such obligations. She had freedom, freedom that Tissaia had not enjoyed for centuries and which she had not missed until this trouble began.</p><p>If she were free, Tissaia would not have been forced to leave Yennefer to the mercy of strangers. Tissaia could have cared for Yennefer herself. Yes, she had been reassured by Nenneke's words, but there was only one person Tissaia trusted to look after Yennefer completely, and that was herself. But that was not a possibility. She wished it were, and she had looked and spent many hours and nights thinking of how it could be so, but a solution had always evaded her. This, the temple, was the next best thing, and Tissaia knew that she would always regret her failure to provide for Yennefer herself.</p><p>A slight flush of heat rose into Tissaia's cheeks as she realised that she had been standing in the middle of the room staring at Yennefer for some time. Triss hadn't seemed noticed, but Tissaia felt Nenneke's eyes boring into the side of her head. It had been a long time since anyone had made her feel as vulnerable and open as this priestess did.</p><p>"What else is on your mind, Rectoress?" she asked.</p><p>Tissaia looked at her, and then lowered her gaze to her wrists as she straightened the cuffs of her dress, her lips pressed together tightly.</p><p>"Triss," said Tissaia, turning to her, "go back outside. Make sure there isn't anyone watching the temple. I will join you shortly."</p><p>The young sorceress nodded and slowly stood up from the bed. She squeezed Yennefer's hand and placed it carefully on the mattress before smiling faintly at Nenneke and leaving the room, closing the door behind her. Nenneke stood where she was as Tissaia moved around the small space, running her hand over the back of the chair and the small windowsill. Then, she stopped at the foot of the bed, fingers curling around one of its small, stubby little posts as she watched Yennefer sleep.</p><p>"Will you tell her what happened? All of it?" Tissaia asked quietly, without looking up.</p><p>To her shame, she knew that Triss had told the priestess about her methods, and what she had done to Yennefer at Sodden and Aretuza. Tissaia had agreed that she should know, but it was not information that she had easily parted with.</p><p>"If she asks," Nenneke responded.</p><p>"And if she asks why, what will you say then?"</p><p>When the priestess didn't instantly reply, Tissaia looked at her. She seemed to be considering her answer.</p><p>"That the people who care for us deeply," Nenneke replied, "sometimes go to great and terrifying lengths to keep us safe, to do what they think is best for us."</p><p>Tissaia bowed her head and sighed. Absentmindedly her fingers, rather than finding their way to her neck and pendant, dropped down into her pocket. She stroked the edge of the letter and stared at Yennefer's bedsheets without really seeing them. Nenneke's explanation was close enough and, in a way, it summed up the contents of her letter nicely, though in a rather simple manner. Perhaps she should leave it at that; perhaps nothing else needed to be said. Wouldn't it be easier to let someone else explain, to not have to justify her actions personally? Tissaia worried that the letter would only make things more difficult. But didn't Yennefer deserve to get an explanation from her? Besides, it could surely cause no more harm than she had already inflicted.</p><p>The letter was slightly crumbled when she took it out, and Tissaia placed is flat on the table and tried to smooth it out with her hands. It still looked a mess. Tissaia realized she hadn't even addressed it to Yennefer and the wax seal was clumsy. Would Yennefer believe it was from her when she saw it in such a state? Tissaia closed her eyes and took a deep breath; she needed to stop thinking so much. Picking the letter up with both hands, Tissaia placed it in the middle of the pile she had created on the table and straightened a few of the items before looking back at Nenneke.</p><p>"I must thank you again, Mother Nenneke," Tissaia said, standing before the other woman. "Your help with this matter means a great deal to me."</p><p>"Just as she does?"</p><p>Tissaia smiled nervously and looked over her shoulder at Yennefer. "Yes, just as she does," she whispered.</p><p>After a pause, Tissaia turned around and inclined her head towards the high priestess before leaving the room. She didn't look back once, not until the portal to Aretuza was closing behind her, and she found herself staring at her empty bed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here we are, Ladies and Gentlemen, the end of the line. Thank you for joining me on this adventure, I've had a blast. This was such fun to write and I am thrilled with how it turned out. Lots of angst but some moments of fluff to :)</p><p>I'm sad that it's over, but don't worry! I plan to write more stories about Yennefer, Tissaia, and The Witcher in the future. Maybe I'll write about them in my bad things happen bingo collection. Hey you, yes you, why don't you submit a prompt?! You can choose from 25 situations and select any character or characters for me to write about. For more information, check out Bloody Entertainment!</p><p>Until next time! Xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>